


I'll Be a Dreamer 'Till the Day I Die

by PastelMess



Series: Songfics [3]
Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Established Relationship, M/M, Songfic, there are some underlying themes of Tyler's psychological damage and stuff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-16
Updated: 2016-09-16
Packaged: 2018-08-15 06:37:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,315
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8046028
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PastelMess/pseuds/PastelMess
Summary: Can anyone really be happy?





	I'll Be a Dreamer 'Till the Day I Die

**Author's Note:**

  * For [marsakat](https://archiveofourown.org/users/marsakat/gifts).



> Mars, you are great and I wanted to write you something cause I think you are just that great.
> 
> (Song inspiration is Spirits by The Strumbellas)
> 
> [Russian translation](https://ficbook.net/readfic/5898887)

“Can anyone ever _really_ be happy?” The question had been harmless, nothing but a simple retaliation to a teacher’s speech on the human psyche.

However, the question had glued Tyler to his chair in a class of 200 and made him unable to move long after everyone had packed up and headed out. The professor had even peered at him curiously over the top of his wire frames as Tyler shuffled out of the room with his laptop under his arm.

“You okay son?” He paused at the worry in the professor’s voice and smiled politely.

“I’m great. See you Thursday.” And with that, Tyler treked through the snow back to his dorm.

\---

“I hate winter,” Josh grumbled as he slipped out of his now soaking wet converse and socks before face planting onto his bed. Tyler looked over at him over the top of his computer screen before returning to his essay. Josh seemed to notice Tyler’s peculiar mood and frowned. “Dude?”

Tyler sighed. “Sorry. M’distracted.”

“‘Bout what?” with a grunt Josh rolled off and padded on his tiptoes to Tyler, peeling back the duvet so he could climb in next to the younger boy. Tyler squeaked, pushing on Josh’s arm.

“Jesus your feet are freezing.”

“They’ll warm up,” he promised, laughing softly to himself. “Now tell me what’s wrong.”

Another sigh. “You’ll probably make fun of me.”

“When have I ever made fun of you?” Tyler looked up from his laptop at Josh’s worried frown and his innocent eyes. Tyler always had loved Josh’s eyes from the second they had met. They were dark and mysterious and delicate; such a weird combination for a boy who made his heart flutter.

“Can I... this is weird.” he let his teeth roll over his bottom lip anxiously as he pushed his computer to the side and out of his way. Tyler had a problem with words. He was awkward, for one, which left a lot of conversations in a horrible ambiance, and two, spent too much time thinking and in his daydreams than in the real world. Tyler had never really wanted to go to college, but he lived in the background, and his parents made his decisions for him. And that’s how he ended up with a full ride to Ohio State for basketball.

It wasn’t all bad though, because his classes were alright, and his roommate was Josh.

As his hand reached outwards towards Josh’s face, Josh seemed to realize what Tyler wanted to do, and scooted closer, snaking an arm around his waist. With a small hum the brunette ran his thumb down Josh’s jawline and over rough stubble, across cheekbones and soft, pink lips. He dragged the tip of his finger across Josh's eyebrows, down the bridge of his nose, and pushed off a few loose strands of faded pink hair off his forehead.

Tyler _loved_ the shape of Josh’s face. Everything fit together so perfectly like a thousand piece puzzle someone had spent months on. From the crinkles around his eyes to his dimpled smile, he wished he could permanently save a copy of his boyfriend's face in his mind for all the times his heart ached and Josh was the only person that could make it better.

Josh waited patiently until Tyler was done before he spoke. “It was one of those days, huh?”

“Yeah.”

“You wanna talk about it?”

“Probably a good idea.”

Josh gently touched the top of Tyler’s ear before he sank his fingers into thick brown hair. “Your hair’s getting pretty long.” a pause. He knew why Tyler's hair was long. “When’s the last time you went to therapy?”

“My parents said it wasn’t working. I don’t go anymore.”

It was Josh’s turn to sigh. “Tyler.”

“Maybe they’re right, you know? Depression doesn’t even go away. Talking can only do so much. I’ve got guns in my head.”

“It can go away. I’ve _seen_ it go away. You just gotta talk about it.”

“You’ve always been optimistic J. That’s a good thing to have, you know? Because it is easy for you to be happy. And I know you get sad. Everyone gets sad. But you see the positive stuff in everything and that’s hard for me. I’m a pessimist.”

“You’re the most optimistic pessimist I know,” Josh offered, and that got Tyler to smile slightly.

“I’m trying to participate and not be negative. The therapist said that’d be good for me. I stopped writing sad songs because that’s negative and not good.” he tugged on the hem of Josh’s shirt, trying to distract himself from the spirits in his head. “We talked about happiness in psychology today. Someone asked if anyone could ever _really_ be happy, and that made me think really, really hard. Is the meaning of our lives to be happy and all that stuff? Happiness is only temporary you know. Even the happiest of people lose their happiness. Besides, it’s manmade. Who’s to say anyone has ever been _really_ happy?”

“I’m happy,” he argued. Tyler huffed.

“But you still get sad. Emotions were created by humans for the same reason we have time zones. They keep us in check. It just doesn’t make any sense to me.” Tyler twisted his hands together in Josh’s shirt, probably stretching it out in the process. He didn’t seem to mind though. “Why do we use the phrase if we aren’t ever _really_ happy? Is it really just a concept of human perception? Are more people happy or sad?”

“What do you think?”

Tyler thought really, really hard about it. “I’d like to think more people are happy, even if they’re going to be sad again someday. I hope that these people I see walking across campus in the snow giggle about their red noses and snow covered boots. I hope they hear a song and think of a lover far, far away. I hope they become inspired by their happiness, even though they know they’re going to be sad soon. And I hope nobody becomes so, so sad that they think about leaving the Earth too soon. Even though true happiness isn’t ever going to be achievable, it’s nice to have these small bursts of joy. Like when I’m here with you, and you let me touch your face and feel your heartbeat even though that’s a little weird. And I’m happy knowing that you don’t think I’m weird like a lot of the other people in my classes who look at me strangely when I ask weird questions. I’m happy when we walk in the snow hand in hand because we don’t care, and you get snow in your eyelashes and smile and I get to look at you. I’m happy when your hair fades and you let your roots grow out because you say it ‘looks cool’ even though I know you’re just being lazy. I’m happy knowing I’m the lesser of two evils.”

Josh reached for Tyler’s hand and squeezed it as tightly as he could before pressing a gentle kiss to a bruise on the brunette’s forehead. “I love you, more than you could ever know.”

“It makes me happy knowing that.” He smiled after that, because his therapist had told him that smiling made him more optimistic, but perhaps that wasn’t the reason Tyler was smiling. Sure, he had spirits possessing his brain with dark thoughts and guns threatening his psyche with spiderwebs and twisting, winding, struggling nights, but he could get better. Especially with the pink haired optimistic boy spending those twisting, winding, struggling nights with him.

“You wanna go get some ice cream?”

“It’s negative four degrees outside.”

Josh shrugged. “So?”

His smile stayed put, and Tyler didn’t even have to think about forcing himself to perform such an action. “Yeah.”

Maybe he could never be _really_ happy, but he knew he could get pretty damn close.


End file.
